If you know me, you know that my daddy went home three years ago on Christmas Eve. But brides, the first and most important thing to remember, is that you are NOT fatherless. You have a Heavenly Father who knit you together in the womb. You are the daughter of the King of Kings. You are protected. You are worthy. You were created FOR our perfect King Jesus, not for anyone else. Let THAT be your security. Let THAT be your peace.

Still, I dreaded not having my dad on my wedding day, but there are some very fun ways to incorporate your father on your special day.

First of all, some of us are visual learners – so here’s this!

1: Sew something of his into your dress

This is one of those times that my mom was the most creative person on the planet… She took one of daddy’s red shirts, cut a heart out, and sewed it into my dress over my heart. It was amazing & no one could keep from getting emotional about it.

2: Play his favorite Music

Did you & your dad have a song? My dad played the bagpipes, so (if it weren’t COVID) we would’ve had a bagpiper at the wedding to make it feel like he was there.

3: This one’s for the family of the bride

IDK how, as the bride, you could ask for this, maybe send your family this blog as a hint & tell them, ‘hey look at #3 in this blog.’ But a gift of one of your dad’s belongings would speak volumes. At our wedding, my brother in law gave my husband a knife that he gave my father as a groomsmen’s gift at their wedding & told a sweet story about it. We all cried. Another great tip is for the groom, especially if he’s never met your dad (like me), he would LOVE to have one of your dad’s belongings! Make sure you get the family’s blessing first, though.

4: Involve all of your ‘father’ figures & dad’s friends

For me, I needed an army of men to stand in for the hole in my heart that was my dad being absent on my wedding day. I involved my dad’s friends, even one of his groomsmen, he said the blessing! As well as my father figures, like my best friend’s dad sabering our champagne with a sword & giving a toast. I danced with my father in law because I am SO EXCITED that I can now say the word ‘dad’ again & I LOVE Stephen’s dad. Invite all your friends and all of those men who have helped stand in the gap & give them a part to play. Watch how that adds up.

5: Get creative with his things

My mom gave me the engagement ring that daddy picked out & gave her. I had it made into a necklace by our jeweler and I wear it everyday. I have also heard of brides taking a piece of their late father’s shirts and using them to tie the flower bouquet!

6: Honor his hard work

Was your father a great photographer? Was your father a service worker, like a firefighter or police officer (aka hero)? Was your father great at painting or did he LOVE his cars? Make a display just for him. Not a weird shrine, but a very tasteful display showing off his legacy.

7: Remove Toxicity

My biggest tip is one that took me by surprise on my wedding day. I had a LOT on me. I was so stressed and (very surprisingly) irritable that by noon, if someone asked me another question, I was internally over it & I put on a fake smile. I was so focused on everything being perfect that my body rejected feeling any emotion on that day, so I was very on edge. It was a lot to just put on a face and be happy when I didn’t have my dad there. It took a toll, so here are some ways you can eliminate extra stressors on that day:

• Alert the Presses! This is one I had to think through. Who didn’t know my father passed away? Who should my fiancé tell that there is no father of the bride? I wouldn’t want to have a vendor say, ‘and where’s the father of the bride?’ on my wedding day. It still happened, but we were able to soften that blow by telling everyone we could think of so on the day it only happened like once.
• Toxic People: If there are toxic people in your family who will make this day harder on you, you have two options, either don’t invite them & don’t feel bad, OR invite them and you assign one of your bridesmaids to be a ‘toxic person buffer.’ That girl is responsible for making sure this person doesn’t ask you questions, doesn’t get left alone with you, doesn’t ever have the opportunity to make a toast about you, and just generally blends into the background. This person needs to be distracting them ALL DAY. Tell them what they like to talk about, and then give that girl a NICE present. She had to put up with toxicity all day.
• Brief your Bridesmaids: If you know that there is something in particular that would stress you out, maybe not having the rings or the certificate, make a list and have ONE bridesmaid/groomsman in charge of EACH thing. That’s what they’re there for! They will want to help you out on the day.

8: Feel all the emotions ahead of time.

Like I mean very soon after you get engaged. Walk yourself through all the scenarios that your dad won’t be there to witness. Watch the movie Father of the Bride, watch all your dad’s favorite movies, make a playlist to listen to that reminds you of him. ALLOW yourself to get emotional leading up to the wedding day. Engagement gives you time to catch a breath and really dive into each other in premarital counseling, but it also gives you space to grieve the fact that your dad wont give you away. Allow yourself to cry all the tears you need to, then on your wedding day, you’ll be surprised how strong you feel.

9: DO A FIRST LOOK WITH YOUR FATHER IN LAW

I realllllly wanted to see my dad’s reaction to my bridal look, but it was also SO special to do a first look with my husband’s father. Heck, do a first look with your grandfather, or your uncle, of whoever is walking you down the aisle. That will be a moment they won’t forget.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Remember to be grateful for that amazing man God gave you at the other end of that altar. Your dad might not be here today, but remember to look at all the things you HAVE, not the things you DON’T have. Your Earthly father is going to be there in spirit. Your Heavenly Father will be there, too.

You’ve got this, girl!